Sammy is 20 months old, and he just got a new outfit from his
grandmother. She helps him put it on, and then stands back to look at him.
“Isn’t he cute in that outfit? Everybody look at Sammy in his new outfit!”
Sammy smiles, but he’s clearly not comfortable with all the attention.
Nervously, he looks down and plays with a button on his shirt. He looks
around the room, glancing at people, and then looks away again.
Sammy is embarrassed. A few months ago, Sammy might have happily danced in
front of a dozen adults, but now his reaction to the attention is different.
Embarrassment is a feeling that comes when children are aware that they have
become the object of attention (Lewis, 2000). His father, seeing this
embarrassment, takes Sammy out of the spotlight and together they play with
a toy.
For parents and caregivers, Sammy’s new reaction to his family’s pride is a
moment worth celebrating. Sammy’s embarrassment shows that he has reached an
important new stage in his emotional and cognitive development: he’s become
more self-aware. Research has found that embarrassment occurs only after
self-recognition develops (Lewis, 2000).
Who is that in the
mirror?
Most babies love mirrors. If you hold a baby in front of a mirror, she
may smile, pat the glass, or even try to kiss her reflection. But young
children do not know who the person in the mirror is. She may even think her
own reflection is another baby. When are children able to recognize
themselves and how do scientists study this? Let’s find out how mirrors make
great scientific tools! You can even try this at home!
That’s Me!
In one experiment, researchers asked a group of mothers
and their babies, ages 9 to 24 months, to play in front
of a mirror. First, the researchers watched to see how
each baby acted when placed in front of a mirror. Next,
each of the mothers pretended to wipe dirt off her
baby’s face—but they were really putting a small dab of
red makeup on the tip of the baby’s nose. Then the
babies were placed in front of the mirror again, to see
what they would do. Would they notice the red spot on
their noses? Would they recognize that something was
different about their faces and try to wipe off the red
spot (Lewis & Brooks-Gunn, 1979)?
It takes time to
recognize “me!”
Before they’re 15 months old, babies don’t seem to recognize
themselves in the mirror. These babies stared at their reflections and may
have found them familiar, but they didn’t react any differently when they
saw the red spots on their noses. But by 21 months, most infants tried to
touch or wipe their nose. These babies knew that they were the baby in the
mirror! They had reached a new level or self-awareness and recognized
themselves (Lewis & Brooks-Gunn, 1979)!
Researchers also studied children’s self-awareness as a way to learn about
emotions such as embarrassment. First, they used the makeup test to see
which of the children tried to touch or wipe the red
spots on their noses.
Then they over-complimented the children to see if they would get
embarrassed. For example, the children were told many times that they were
smart, cute, had beautiful hair and lovely clothes. Other children were
asked to dance in front of a group of unfamiliar adults. The children who
touched their red noses in the mirror were the only ones who showed
embarrassment. Those who didn’t touch their noses did not show signs of
being embarrassed (Lewis, Sullivan, Stranger & Weiss, 1989).
These experiments show that a certain level of self-awareness is needed
before children experience emotions like embarrassment. Once children are
aware of themselves as individuals, they become more sensitive to the ways
people might see them. They also become more aware of how people think
differently, and that other people might have feelings that are different
from their own. This awareness provides a foundation for emotions like
empathy and envy (Lewis, 2000), which is part of a child’s social and
emotional development.
New feelings for
toddlers.
As children near their second birthday, they show another amazing
stage of development. It’s called self-recognition! Share in the new
experiences your child is discovering and the new feelings that are
emerging. This is a great time to help your child learn how to handle
emotions. By sharing these new emotions, you’ll have new opportunities to
grow closer to your child.
Helpful Parenting Tips
Observe and celebrate these new emotions as they begin to emerge in your child.
All emotions should be supported. Be caring and responsive to your child as he may not understand what he’s feeling.
Don’t dismiss their emotions no matter how minor the situation. Honor every emotion by responding in a caring way.
Be a good listener and get down to his level and let him know you care.
Help your child by naming new emotions and teaching healthy ways to deal with them.
Be patient and remember that every child is unique, and some children experience embarrassment more strongly than others.
Some children might find embarrassing situations fun, while others will be very uncomfortable. If your child gets embarrassed easily and is uncomfortable, redirect him to another activity, toy, or room.
References:
Lewis, M. (2000) The emergence of human emotions. In M. Lewis, &
J.M Haviland-Jones (Eds.), Handbook of emotions (2nd ed., pp.
265-280). New York; London: Guilford Press.
Lewis, M., & Brooks-Gunn, J. (1979). Social cognition and the
acquisition of self. New York: Plenum Press.
Lewis, M., Sullivan, M. W., Stanger, C., & Weiss, M. (1989).
Self-development and self-conscious emotions. Child Development,
60(1), 146-156.
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In one experiment, researchers asked a group of mothers
and their babies, ages 9 to 24 months, to play in front
of a mirror. First, the researchers watched to see how
each baby acted when placed in front of a mirror. Next,
each of the mothers pretended to wipe dirt off her
baby’s face—but they were really putting a small dab of
red makeup on the tip of the baby’s nose. Then the
babies were placed in front of the mirror again, to see
what they would do. Would they notice the red spot on
their noses? Would they recognize that something was
different about their faces and try to wipe off the red
spot (Lewis & Brooks-Gunn, 1979)?
spots on their noses.
Then they over-complimented the children to see if they would get
embarrassed. For example, the children were told many times that they were
smart, cute, had beautiful hair and lovely clothes. Other children were
asked to dance in front of a group of unfamiliar adults. The children who
touched their red noses in the mirror were the only ones who showed
embarrassment. Those who didn’t touch their noses did not show signs of
being embarrassed (Lewis, Sullivan, Stranger & Weiss, 1989).
Observe and celebrate these new emotions as they begin to emerge in your child.
