Scotty is eight months old, and he’s been a cheerful and outgoing baby. He’s always smiled at people and delighted in experiencing the world around him.
But not today.
When his mother brings in a new babysitter, she’s surprised by her child’s reaction. Not only does Scotty fail to smile and respond, but as the sitter reaches out to touch him, Scotty clings closely to his mother and begins to whimper. A few minutes later, when mom tries to leave the room, Scotty’s distress turns into full-blown sobs. What has happened to her happy, outgoing baby?
I'm scared.
Scotty’s reactions to the new babysitter are normal. By around seven
to nine months, most babies begin to show fear. Often, this fear shows
up when babies see unfamiliar people, like a new babysitter or a family
member they haven’t seen for a while. This fear is called “stranger
anxiety.” Babies also begin to show fear when their parents or
caregivers leave them with others, even if it is at home or some other
familiar place. This fear is called “separation anxiety.” Although these
fears can seem troubling, don’t worry—children around the world develop
these fears at about the same age.
Why he's frightened now.
Why does fear develop around seven to eight months? Some researchers
believe children begin to show fear when they are able to compare
something they know and remember with something they don’t recognize.
In this view, stranger anxiety is a result of children’s increasing
ability to remember and recognize familiar faces and places. In other
words, as children get better at knowing the difference between
familiar and unfamiliar faces, they may become more fearful of faces
they don’t know.
(Lewis & Haviland-Jones, 2000)
Others believe that fear is biologically programmed. For these
researchers, an unfamiliar face or situation is a natural clue to
danger. They believe infants may be programmed to fear strange faces
and settings as part of a survival strategy, because any strange or
unfamiliar creature could be potentially threatening. (Bowlby, 1973;
Shaffer, 1999)
What we know.
Whatever the reason, stranger anxiety is a normal part of a child’s
development that begins around seven to nine months. For example, one
study observed a group of babies as they grew from age four months to
twelve months. Here’s how it worked:
Each month, researchers watched the babies’ reactions as they were
approached by someone they didn’t know. These strangers walked up to
the babies, greeted them, picked them up and held them. At eight
months old even with the mother present, many children began frowning,
whimpering or crying with the stranger. By nine months, 79% of the
babies showed fearful reactions. (Emde, Gaensbauer, & Harmon, 1976)
In another study, researchers found that how a stranger acts made a
difference. When the strangers approached more slowly and didn’t try
to touch or pick up the baby, babies showed less stranger anxiety. The
same was true when the mother or a familiar caregiver was present. (Sroufe,
1977)
Please don't leave me.
“But why does my 11-month-old start crying and fussing when I leave
her with a familiar babysitter?” There’s nothing strange about the
person or the place, yet her reaction is much different than just a
few months ago. This is separation anxiety. It usually appears
somewhere between six and eight months, gets stronger at about
thirteen to fifteen months and becomes less frequent and intense as
the baby gets older. (Kagan, Kearsley & Zelazo, 1978)
Most young children get upset when their mothers or other familiar
caregivers leave them alone, even for brief periods of time. Once
again, there are different opinions about why this happens, but most
believe that children grow to feel a strong attachment to their
parents or caregivers and that seeing them leave is scary.
Helpful Parenting Tips
How can you help your child through stranger anxiety and separation
anxiety?
Stay close to your child when new people are around. Infants react more fearfully to strangers when their mothers or caregivers are not close by.
Show your child that new people are okay. When you greet a new person in a friendly way, with smiles and a positive tone of voice, children are less likely to feel afraid.
If you’re taking a child to a new place, help her feel more comfortable:
Give your child time to get used to new surroundings before meeting a new person.
Try bringing a familiar toy or stuffed animal for comfort.
Encourage new people to approach slowly and gently, without immediately touching your child.
Pay close attention to your child’s reactions and respond to them. If your child cries or looks afraid with a new person, it’s okay to comfort him and try again later.
Avoid sneaking out on your child when leaving. Although it might seem easier at the time, children may feel confused or betrayed when they realize you’re gone.
When leaving your child with someone, communicate to your child that he will be safe and that you will be back soon:
Earlier in the day, let your child know that a sitter is coming, who it will be, and how long you will be gone.
Give your child some time with the babysitter so he has a chance to get more comfortable before you leave.
Let your child know that the sitter will keep him safe.
For older children, tell them how much you love them, where you are going, and when you’ll be back.
Give them something to look forward to when you return, like reading a book together or playing together.
Children are unique, and they will respond in different ways to
strangers and to being separated from you. Fear is a very normal
reaction—just another part of growing older. Be open to trying different
things as your child develops, and trust your instincts. As your child
grows, remember that these powerful fears—and the tears—will fade over
time.
References:
Bowlby, J. (1973).
Attachment and loss. Vol. 2: Separation: Anxiety and anger.
London: Hogarth Press.
Emde, R. N.,
Gaensbauer, T. J., & Harmon, R. J. (1976). Emotional expression in
infancy: A biobehavioral study. Psychological Issues, 10(1,
Monograph No. 37).
Kagan, J.,
Kearsley, R. B., & Zelazo, P. R. (1978). Infancy: Its place in
human development. Cambridge, MA; London:
Harvard University Press.
Lewis, M., &
Haviland-Jones, J. M. (Eds.). (2000). Handbook of emotions
(2nd ed.). New York: Guilford
Press.
Shaffer, D. R.
(1999). Emotional development and the establishment of intimate
relationships. In Developmental psychology: Childhood and
adolescence (5th ed., pp. 391-412). Pacific Grove, CA: Brooks/Cole Publishing.
Sroufe, A. L.
(1977). Wariness of strangers and the study of infant development.
Child Development, 48(3), 731-746.
