The age of two can be a very difficult time for parents and
caregivers. Children at this age are growing more independent and
sometimes they do things adults don’t want them to do. If it seems like
children are intentionally disobeying or disregarding their caregivers’
wishes—it’s because they are! But they are not trying to drive you crazy
on purpose.
While two-year-olds’ behavior is difficult to deal with at times, it is
only part of the story. It may seem hard to believe, but these children
actually have good reasons for their actions. They are learning what
happens when people want different things and they are fascinated by
these differences. In other words, they are learning about conflict and
are using a powerful learning mechanism —hypothesis testing. The
age of two is
really just a part of children’s experimental program to figure out the
world and their need to understand other people. Primary caregivers are the
main test subjects! (Gopnik, Meltzoff & Kuhl, 1999)
They want to learn
how conflict works.
By the age of two, children are trying to understand conflict. At
younger ages, children believe that their desires (what they want,
what they like) are the same as everyone else’s desires. When everyone
wants and likes the same things, there’s no real conflict. But at
around 18 months, children begin to understand an important new
concept: people have different desires. (Gopnik et al.,1999)
How do we know this? One creative experiment, using crackers and
broccoli, gives us solid evidence (Repacholi & Gopnik, 1997).
Researchers showed 14-month-old and 18-month-old children two
different bowls of food—one filled with Goldfish crackers and one
filled with raw broccoli. When given the choice between the two foods,
both the 14-month-old and 18-month-old children chose the crackers.
Next, a researcher tasted the foods in front of the babies. When she
ate the crackers, she made a disgusted face and said, “Yuck.” With the
broccoli, she smiled and said, “Yum.” Then, with both bowls of food in
front of her, she put out her hands and asked the babies to give her
some food. This was the experimental question: Would the babies give
her some crackers or some broccoli?
The 14-month-old babies gave the researcher crackers, even though she
said “yuck” when she ate them before. They didn’t yet understand how
another person could want or prefer something different from their own
tastes and desires.
The 18-month-old babies gave the researcher broccoli, showing that
despite their own preference for crackers, they understood that the
adult preferred the vegetable. They understood that the adult had
different desires for food.
In other words, 18-month-old children are beginning to understand that
people are different, and that what they want is not necessarily what
adults want. (Repacholi & Gopnik, 1997) And this is a recipe for
conflict. Children need to learn how conflict works—and how to resolve
it.
How children learn—hypothesis testing and
conflict.
To learn about conflict, two year-old toddlers launch a series of
experiments. This process is called hypothesis testing, and it is a
powerful way that children (and scientists) learn about the world. It
starts with what children already know about people and their desires.
With this knowledge, children make predictions (hypotheses) and test
them to see if their ideas are correct.
Hypothesis testing involves five steps:
Making observations
Asking questions
Creating hypotheses (what they think will happen
based on what they know)
Testing hypotheses
Evaluating the evidence
For example, let’s take a two-year-old who has
just grabbed his mom’s lipstick. He really wants to make a big red
streak on the wall, but he thinks his mother might not like it if he
does. He’s trying to learn how his mother will react.
Here’s what hypothesis testing might look like:
“I have mom’s lipstick and I want to
make a big red mark on the wall. I know that my mom doesn’t want
me to mark on the wall.” (Observation)
“What will happen if I do what I want and
make a big red mark with the lipstick?” (Question)
“When I used a crayon to mark on the wall,
mom got angry. I think she might get angry again.” (Hypothesis)
“Here I go, even though mom has a bad look
on her face!” (Testing)
“Mom got really angry — and this
is what it’s like when she’s angry." (Evaluating
the evidence)
Of course, these steps seem very
rational—and they don’t describe the tears and frustration that normally
accompany situations like this. Despite the intensity of these emotions,
children are very motivated to learn more about how conflict works and
how it gets resolved.
Helpful Parenting Tips
Understand
that young children are constantly testing their environment.
These children aren’t bad, they’re curious. Expect them to test
you often.
Provide consistent responses. When children
test their hypotheses, they are gathering evidence about how people
deal with conflict. The best evidence is communicated in a reliable,
consistent and loving way.
Don’t let hypothesis testing escalate your
emotions. Keep emotions in check and remove a child (or tempting
object) from a situation if the conflict continues.
Focus on the positive aspects of this age.
These toddlers are not only learning how conflict happens, but how
conflict gets resolved. If they are surrounded with healthy,
consistent models, children can learn how to handle future
disagreements in constructive and effective ways.
Hang in there! The age of two, and the difficultchallenges it can
bring, doesn’t last forever.
References:
Gopnik, A.,
Meltzoff, A. N., & Kuhl, P. K. (1999). The scientist in the
crib: What early learning tells us about the mind. New York:
Perennial.
Repacholi, B. M.,
& Gopnik, A. (1997). Early reasoning about desires: Evidence from
14- and 18-month-olds. Developmental Psychology, 33(1),
12-21.
Understand
that young children are constantly testing their environment.
These children aren’t bad, they’re curious. Expect them to test
you often.
