The age of two can be a very difficult time for parents and
caregivers. Children at this age are growing more independent and
sometimes they do things adults don’t want them to do. If it seems like
children are intentionally disobeying or disregarding their caregivers’
wishes—it’s because they are! But they are not trying to drive you crazy
on purpose.
While two-year-olds’ behavior is difficult to deal with at times, it is
only part of the story. It may seem hard to believe, but these children
actually have good reasons for their actions. They are learning what
happens when people want different things and they are fascinated by
these differences. In other words, they are learning about conflict and
are using a powerful learning mechanism: hypothesis testing. The age of
two is
really just a part of children’s experimental program to figure out the
world and their need to understand other people. And primary caregivers are
the main test subjects (Gopnik, Meltzoff & Kuhl, 1999)!
They want to learn
how conflict works.
By the age of two, children are trying to understand conflict. At
younger ages, children believe that their desires (what they want,
what they like) are the same as everyone else’s desires. When everyone
wants and likes the same things, there’s no real conflict. But at
around 18 months, children begin to understand an important new
concept—people have different desires (Gopnik et al., 1999).
How do we know this? One creative experiment, using crackers and
broccoli, gives us solid evidence
(Repacholi & Gopnik, 1997).
Researchers showed 14-month-old and 18-month-old children two
different bowls of food—one filled with Goldfish crackers and one
filled with raw broccoli. When given the choice between the two foods,
both the 14-month-old and 18-month-old children chose the crackers.
Next, a researcher tasted the foods in front of the children. When she
ate the crackers, she made a disgusted face and said “Yuck.” With the
broccoli, she smiled and said “Yum.” Then, with both bowls of food in
front of her, she put out her hands and asked the babies to give her
some food. This was the experimental question: would the babies give
her some crackers or some broccoli?
The 14-month-old babies gave the researcher crackers, even though she
said “yuck” when she ate them before. They didn’t yet understand how
another person could want or prefer something different from their own
tastes and desires.
The 18-month-old babies gave the researcher broccoli, showing that
despite their own preference for crackers, they understood that the
adult preferred the vegetable. They understood that the adult had
different desires for food.
In other words, 18-month-old children are beginning to understand that
people are truly different, and that what they want is not necessarily
what adults want (Repacholi & Gopnik, 1997). And this is a recipe for
conflict. Children need to learn how conflict works—and how to resolve
it.
How children learnhypothesis testing and
conflict.
To learn about conflict, two-year-old toddlers launch a series of
experiments. This process is called hypothesis testing, and it is a
powerful way children (and scientists) learn about the world. It
starts with what children already know about people and their desires.
With this knowledge, children make predictions (hypotheses) and test
them to see if their ideas are correct.
Hypothesis testing involves five steps:
Making observations
Asking questions
Creating hypotheses (what they think will happen
based on what they know)
Testing hypotheses
Evaluating the evidence
For example, let’s take a two-year-old who has
just noticed a new house plant. She’s touching the leaves and patting
the dirt. She wants to dig in the dirt, like in the garden, but she
thinks her mother might not like it if she does. She’s trying to learn
how her mother might react.
Hypothesis testing involves five steps:
“I like this dirt and it would be fun to dig my hands in it. I know my
mom doesn’t want me to get dirt all over the floor or hurt the plant.”
(Observation)
“What will happen if I do what I want and make a big mess with the dirt?”
(Question)
“When I spilled my oatmeal all over the floor, mom got angry. I think she
might get angry again.” (Hypothesis)
“Here I go even though mom has a bad look on her face!” (Testing)
“Oh, oh, Mom is getting angry—yes, this is what it’s like when she’s angry.”
(Evaluating the evidence)
Of course, these steps seem very rationale and
they don’t describe how quickly things happen, nor does it include the
tears and frustration hat normally accompany situations like this.
Despite the intensity of these emotions, children learn more about how
conflict works and how it gets resolved by doing these kinds of tests.
Your job is to keep them safe, be consistent in your response, and help
them to learn what’s right and what’s wrong. They will learn as much
from your response as they do from their little experiment.
Helpful Parenting Tips
Understand that young children are constantly testing their environment. These children aren’t bad, they’re curious. Expect them to test you often.
Provide consistent responses. When children test their hypotheses, they are gathering evidence about how people deal with conflict. The best evidence is communicated in a reliable, consistent and loving way.
Don’t let hypothesis testing escalate your emotions. Keep emotions in check and remove a child (or tempting object) from a situation if the conflict continues.
Focus on the positive aspects of this age. These toddlers are not only learning how conflict happens, but how conflict gets resolved. If they are surrounded with healthy, consistent models, children can learn how to handle future disagreements in constructive and effective ways.
Hang in there! The age of two, and the difficult challenges it can bring, doesn’t last forever.
References:
Gopnik, A.,
Meltzoff, A. N., & Kuhl, P. K. (1999). The scientist in the
crib: What early learning tells us about the mind. New York:
Perennial.
Repacholi, B. M.,
& Gopnik, A. (1997). Early reasoning about desires: Evidence from
14- and 18-month-olds. Developmental Psychology, 33(1),
12-21.
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