Riley is four months old and he has a lot to say, but he
cannot speak yet. Instead, Riley communicates through facial
expressions, sounds and body language. Over time, his parents are
getting better at reading Riley’s signals.
Dad: “Look at Riley. He’s pulling his ear again. He seems a
little fussy too.”
Mom: “Do you think he’s got a wet diaper? Jennifer down the street told
me that when Emma pulls her
ear, it almost always means she needs a diaper change.”
Dad: "Wait, he's rubbing his eyes now. Maybe he's
trying to tell us he's
sleepy."
Mom: "You know, my mom told me that I pulled on my ear when I was
sleepy. And it’s getting close to naptime."
Saying plenty
without a word.
Babies try to tell parents what they want and need even before they
can talk. Part of the fun of parenting is learning how your baby
communicates. No two babies are alike and different babies use different
expressions and movements to tell parents what they want.
Ken’s little Alicia is fussy. She keeps crying even though Ken fed her
an hour ago. He tried picking her up but she keeps on crying, and now
Alicia’s pushing him away. What is she trying to tell him?
Time for some detective work
Alicia is usually in a good mood, so Ken is pretty sure that something
is upsetting her. Maybe she needs another burping? He tries burping her.
No burp, more crying. Time to try something else!
Could she still be hungry? Ken tries giving her a bottle. It doesn’t
work. Alicia’s not hungry. She’s still crying and now is rubbing her
eyes and mouth.
Maybe she’s wet and needs a new diaper? Ken checks, but Alicia’s diaper
is dry. Maybe she’s tired? Her last nap was a little short.
“Are you tired? Let’s try some rocking and singing. Rock-a-bye baby, on
the tree tops, when the wind blows. . .” Alicia yawns and settles a
little. Soon she’s sleeping on her daddy’s shoulder.
Even though it took a few tries, Ken did many things right. Most
importantly, he kept trying. Even if you think you know what your baby
is trying to communicate, be prepared to try something else if your
first idea does not seem right. Reading your baby’s cues is like a
dance—at first, you might step on each other’s toes or move to the beat
of different drummers. But there is always another chance, and with
practice both of you will get better at working together.
Sometimes babies keep crying no matter what you do. This can be hard for
everyone, and it can be stressful. If you find yourself feeling
overwhelmed or angry, it might be a good idea to put the baby down in
the crib for a few moments so you can take a deep breath and calm
yourself down. No matter how hard it can be, never shake or hit a baby
to try to get him or her to stop crying. If possible, see if you can get
some help from a family member or a friend.
Sometimes a simple change makes a difference for a crying baby. You can
try going with the baby to a different room or going outside together,
singing a song, taking the baby for a walk in the stroller or a drive in
the car, or giving the baby a bath. Sometimes babies are upset by things
like bright lights or noises that you might not notice at first, and a
simple change can make a big difference.
Reading baby body
language.
The first step in reading your baby’s cues is paying close attention.
Watch your baby’s expressions, her movements, and her reactions to your
responses. Did it seem like what you tried worked? What about the second
thing you tried? It is also helpful to keep in mind how the day is
going. For instance,
Is it naptime?
Is it time for a diaper change?
Could she be hungry?
Is she seeing a new toy for the first time?
Does she need a quiet time after an active visit with her cousins?
Here are some cues to look for as a way to get started:
1) “I’m interested—let’s do more of this.”
Has
eyes wide/bright Looks
at you or an interesting object Smiles
or shows expressions of joy Reaches
for things (like your nose)
2) “I'm hungry!” Shows
rooting behaviors—rubbing/sucking on your shirt Makes mouth movements
Puts things in her mouth
3) “I'm sleepy.”
Rubs her eyes
Rubs her face on your shirt
Pulls on an ear
Gets fussy
4) “I need a break!”
Turns away
Arches his back or twist
Fusses
or cries
Closes his eyes
Shows dull or glassy eyes
Grabs his hands or his body for comfort
Kicks or wave arms rapidly
Responding is important.
Responding to your baby’s cues is a critical part of parenting. When
parents and caregivers pay attention to infant expressions and actions
and try to respond in helpful ways, babies learn to handle stressful
situations better. Responding to your baby’s cues helps your baby learn
to interact with others in a positive way.
When your baby gives you a cue and you respond to it, your baby begins
to learn that cues work. The more you respond, the more you encourage
your baby to send cues when she wants or needs something. At the same
time, your baby learns which cues are effective in getting what she
wants and needs, and you learn how to read her cues and respond
effectively. Together, you create lots of cues that help you and your
baby know what to do.
Research has found that when parents don’t respond to their baby’s cues
or signals, babies get upset and show signs of stress. In one type of
experiment, mothers are first asked to play face-to-face with their 3-
to 9-month-old babies as they normally would for a two-minute time
segment. Mothers are then told to stop responding to their babies by
becoming silent and showing no expression on their face for two minutes.
For a final two minutes, mothers again play with their babies as they
normally would. (Gianino & Tronick, 1988; Weinberg & Tronick, 1994)
What happened when moms stopped responding to their babies for two
minutes?
At first, some of the babies tried to get their moms to interact with
them by smiling or making happy sounds. When that didn’t work, the
babies got distressed. Very few cried but most of them turned away, and
others tried to comfort themselves by sucking on their fingers. After a
short time, the babies stopped trying to interact. (Gianino & Tronick,
1988; Weinberg & Tronick, 1994)
The experiments above helped to show that parent response is important.
Clearly, infant facial expressions and behaviors are important ways your
baby communicates with you. By paying attention to facial cues and body
language, and adjusting your own behavior to your baby’s needs, you are
helping your baby feel secure and you are supporting your child’s
healthy development.
Helpful Parenting Tips
Pay close attention to how your baby communicates when she needs a break or when she is tired or hungry.
Take the daily schedule into account. How long has it been since she’s been fed? Does she need a nap? Has her diaper been changed recently? Parents who keep daily activities in mind have a better chance of understanding their babies’ signals.
Your baby loves to see you and your facial expressions, so play lots of face-to-face games with your baby.
Try to follow your baby’s lead. If she’s showing you that she’s interested, keep playing. If she points to an object in the room, name it and let her touch it if it’s safe to explore. Help her learn that communicating works!
Try to be sensitive to cues that your baby needs a break. If she turns away while you are playing, wait for a moment to see if she turns back to you. If she begins fussing instead, it might be time to try something new or to let her relax for a moment while you stay near.
Don’t expect to understand every signal or to be in sync with your baby all the time. You won’t always get it right. Communication is never perfect. If you’re trying, you’re doing a great job!
References:
Gianino, A., &
Tronick, E.Z. (1988). The mutual regulation model: The infant’s
self and interactive regulation and coping and defensive
capacities. In T.M. Field, P.M. McCabe, & N. Schneiderman (Eds.),
Stress and coping across development (pp. 47-68). Hillsdale, NJ:
Lawrence Erlbaum Associates.
Sumner, G., &
Spietz, A. (1994). NCAST Caregiver/parent-child interaction
feeding manual. Seattle WA: University of Washington, School of
Nursing.
Weinberg, M.K., &
Tronick, E.Z. (1994). Beyond the face: An empirical study of
infant affective configurations of facial, vocal, gestural, and
regulatory behaviors. Child Development, 65(5), 1503-1515.
Has
eyes wide/bright
Pay close attention to how your baby communicates when she needs a break or when she is tired or hungry. 
